BY CHRISTOPHER STAMM
GUEST MOVIE REVIEWER
Cocaine Bear (Now playing in theatres)
This film is rated R for gore, violence, and language.
Loosely based on a real incident that happened in 1985, Cocaine Bear tells the kind-of-true story about a black bear that came upon a bunch of cocaine and had at it. When I say loosely, I mean very loosely, so do not entertain the idea that much of the film is true.
That being said, this one is a hoot. It made me laugh, cringe, and shake my head. But be warned, it is gory and filled with foul language and brutal, though hysterical, deaths.
Three out of five stars for Cocaine Bear because it’s just a fun, vapid film.
On a personal note: Everyone, this will be my last review. I have truly enjoyed being your guide to the cinema, but recently, it has come to my attention that not all that read my column enjoy my particular sense of humor, and my dear editor, Tina, has had to field some complaints, and that’s not fair to her. She was forced into a position to ask me to be more cautious in my reviews, and after rewriting this review three times (the first one was hysterical, if I do say so myself), I concluded that to do so would be to no longer be who I am.
What many of you may not realize is that these reviews have been done on my time and my dime, and I was happy to do so, but as the man said, all good things must come to their eventual end.
Thank you all so very much for reading these, and thank you so much for the feedback, and thank you to Tina and the Foto News. I hope that perhaps one day they may return, but until that day, support your local theatre and paper. And maybe I will see you in that dark room where magic flickers upon the screen and we are transported together into a different world, even if just for a little while.