BY CHRISTOPHER STAMM
GUEST MOVIE REVIEWER
“Hallmark Christmas Movies” (Now showing on the Hallmark channel, with similar-type movies on most streaming channels)
These films are rated suitable for all.
Ah, good people, that time has come round again. The weather is getting funky, the lights are up, the bell ringers are guilting us for a loose dollar, parents are counting the days until school lets out and then goes back into session, and Hallmark floods the airwaves with roughly 6,985 Christmas movies.
So, let us begin with the formula: Big city gal gets assignment she doesn’t want in some hillbilly heaven one left turn from being off the grid. Big city gal gets to hillbilly heaven and discovers the meaning of Christmas after meeting not-so-rednecky hunky fellow with sad back story (insert dead wife, empty life, something like that).
Every dozen or so movies they toss in a curveball and have some magical twist like, “Could that nice old man who runs the toy shop be the REAL Santa?”
Add one sweet little muppet of a kid with or without sad backstory (dead parent, lost dog, whatever), a grumpy neighbor who learns the true meaning of Christmas, and a sweet old couple that embody the spirit of Christmas in their love for one another.
It’s a tired and old formula, but darn it, don’t we all just love it!
The reason why there are so many of these films and why it has become an industry of itself (my wife actually has Hallmark Christmas-movie-watching socks, no kidding and you can download Hallmark Christmas movie bingo cards) is because they show us stories of the way we all wish the world was: kind, sweet, and with good-natured, clean humor.
So, with that being said, dim the lights, curl up on the couch with the one you love, and just enjoy the super cheese that is every Hallmark Christmas movie ever made, because there are as said 6,985 of them, but honestly, there are only four actual stories. And remember to hold a moment of silence for all the big city suit-wearing guys who are about to be dumped by their girlfriends/fiances for a small-town, flannel-wearing guy in nearly every one of these movies.
Three out of five stars for Hallmark Christmas movies, because however cheesy they may be, we still love ‘em!