A veteran’s mother’s plea
Editor’s Note: The views and opinions expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Merrill Foto News, its publishers, Editor, or staff. This is an Op-Ed piece written by a central Wisconsin woman who wishes to remain anonymous. As the Editor, I have vetted the author and opted to honor her request, while sharing her plea for help. She doesn’t want to single out her veteran or her family, but she is asking for others to hear her plea.
“Thank you for your service” … words that I’ve heard hundreds of times directed at both my husband and my son by well-intentioned people. Yet, over time I have found those words to be hollow and empty. They are just words.
My husband served in Iraq and, over the years, has managed to work with his scars from his service. My son, however, has not managed to do the same after his service as an infantryman in Afghanistan actively deployed in 2014. We send our young men, often at the tender age of 19, into war without thought as to how they will return to us. Or perhaps the general American public just does not care to think about it. That would require effort beyond mere words in passing and a Veteran’s Day tribute. Real effort is needed.
I do not fault the military. It’s what happens in war. As a family with a history of service, we knew it wouldn’t be easy. I also cannot fault the VA overall. Each of his caregivers have tried to do their best in a system that struggles to meet each veteran’s differing needs. From his amazing current primary care doctor, pain management specialist, therapist, psychiatrist, and whole health coach, his team is working to provide the best possible treatment within the VA, as well as some outside support services. The nonprofit group that is working with him to train him and his newly-placed service dog, at no cost, deserve a million thanks, as well as our financial support to continue their mission. For all of this, we are grateful. It sounds almost ungrateful to realize it’s not enough. For him, it simply isn’t.
Who should be doing better? The American public! It is not enough to say a few words in passing or on a holiday. It’s not enough to honor them only when they have died in combat. It’s not enough to place a beer (or sadly, 13 recently) at a table in a local bar to thank them for their sacrifice.
The VA estimates 22 veterans a day – 22! – die by suicide each day. If 22 veterans dying from suicide doesn’t shock us into action, what will? How many will be enough to spur our citizens who “say” they care into showing they actually do?
What do I ask people to do to show they care? Reach out to the young veteran who is your neighbor and invite him for coffee or to simply chat in your front yard. Stop and talk to them at a deeper level than the generic surface social basics. The veteran who appears to be young and single is often lonely and frustrated, needing social interaction beyond the local bar or veterans’ organization. Introduce them to other younger people their age you may know to help them build the friendships and relationships that make life worth living. In the age of impersonal digital friendships, our struggling young veterans need more. Don’t stop inviting them to feel included and valued.
Show the family caregiver who stays up at night with the veteran, misses work to attend appointments, and struggles both financially and emotionally to meet the veteran’s needs, that you care about them, as well. The amount of time and money they sacrifice to help is often unimaginable to those who are not in our position. Words are simply not enough anymore.
Action is needed. Empty words no longer work for the veterans and their families. We are tired. We feel as though no one cares about our struggle. We are exhausted, feeling as if we are doing the hard work without support beyond the VA, which focuses on only some areas for the veteran. Where did the American public that the veterans, as well as their families, sacrificed for (and continue to sacrifice for) disappear to when they returned home and left active duty?
Did we not learn our lesson from Vietnam? Should another generation of young veterans be sacrificed because we do not care enough to reach out in caring and friendship? It truly is a sad commentary on American life when a veteran says he felt more welcome in a war zone than he does at home. “Thoughts and prayers” are not enough.
If you want to reduce veteran suicide, start reaching out. Stop the excuses. Show you care by helping to build a strong support system for a veteran before another life is sacrificed due to our apathy. Be the reason a veteran wants to wake up another day.