BY CHRISTOPHER STAMM
GUEST MOVIE REVIEWER
Jungle Cruise (Showing in theatres)
Rated PG-13 – For action peril, violence, and disturbing images.
Somewhere deep in the bowels of Disney, I am pretty sure exists a small room filled with bespectacled men and women whose entire purpose is to feed ideas into the money printing press Disney has hidden away somewhere. We shall call this room “The Nerdery.”
The latest idea cooked up in the Nerdery is to take a well-know Disney attraction and build a movie around it. The recipe was simple. Well known ride: Check. Three parts rip-off of the 1999 version of The Mummy, one part rip-off from 2001’s Atlantis: Check and check. Then cast Dwayne Johnson, formerly known as The Rock, and presto: Instant hit.
Is Jungle Cruise a good movie? Sure, why not? It’s fun, has some great action sequences, and it’s kinda funny in spots, but when watching it, I was distracted by a non-stop feeling of déjà vu. There is nothing new in this film at all. But despite that, it’s still a fun movie. Dwayne Johnson (from everything as of late, it seems) is a little miscast but makes the most of it. Emily Blunt (A Quiet Place 1 & 2) is competent in her role, but the scene stealer – hands down – is Jesse Plemons (The Irishman), playing a total wackjob of a character named Prince Joachim, who chews up every scene he is in with great relish, and since it’s a Disney movie, the folks in the Nerdery tossed in a computer-generated imagery (CGI) animal sidekick, because I do believe it’s a Disney law, and to fail to do so will result in exile from the Nerdery.
Jungle Cruise is worth your time, but do not go in expecting to be wowed. It’s a great distraction and worth seeing on the big screen, but keep in mind two things: there is nothing new here, and the two stars have little to no chemistry. Yet somehow, it’s still a fun film to watch and worth the price of admission.
I give Jungle Cruise two stars out of five. It missed three because of the lack of wow factor and because there are some scenes that may freak out the little ones a bit, but, hey, its 2021 – is there really anything left that freaks kids out nowadays?