BY CHRISTOPHER STAMM
GUEST MOVIE REVIEWER
Spiral (Showing in Theatres)
Rated R – For Language, Gore, and Horror
Well, I had a good run. My last two films were a real pleasure to see and review for you good folks…
Spiral, a continuation of the Saw franchise, lives up to its premise … a torture movie … and let me tell you true, it was an experience in torture to watch it. I am convinced at some point in the future, the United Nations will label the forced viewing of this film as a crime against humanity.
Detective Zeke Banks (played by Chris Rock in all his screaming glory) is a bitter detective. Having turned in a bad cop years before, he is the department’s pariah, which he lets us know about every 5-10 minutes in foul-language-laced screaming tirades.
On one fateful day, Zeke gets a delivery of a video of another police officer being killed because he was corrupt, and that’s as deep as the plot gets.
Samuel Jackson (the Avengers films) shows up briefly to collect what can only be assumed to be a staggeringly large paycheck to yell and curse for about 5 minutes of scream, er, I mean screen time.
The “twist” at the end is so painfully obvious that a person reading a book in the dark with a sleeping mask on could see it coming for a country mile, and the film ends abruptly with no resolution.
While clocking in at only 1 Hour 33 minutes, it felt like an eternity. Root canals feel like they are over faster than this film.
This movie is bad folks, very, very bad. It is gross, it is nasty, and it is not worth the price of admission even if you get to see it for free.
Skip this one, save yourselves the horror that is this movie. I already took this bullet for you.
Spiral gets one out of five stars from me. That’s about as low as the system will let me go.